October 30, 2017.Today I realized that days quickly turned into weeks and those weeks have now turned into a whole month. A whole month without you.
It's such a strange feeling that is hard to put into words. You gave us so much when you were here that even though these last few years have been hard for you - your presence was still so strong in our every day lives. In a way, your presence is still strong even though you are no longer physically here. I think of you daily and always smile at the sweet reminders of you.
We have spent a lot of time telling stories about all the fun things we remember. This is especially important to Layla who every day reminds me that nothing is the same without GG. I remember the first time she said those words I just had to pause, because she was right. Nothing is the same.
Life goes on and we are going through the motions of everyday. Laughing, crying, working
and playing. All of the things we did before are happening now but it's just not the same. Layla and I find a lot of peace in sitting out the couch at night, eating cashews and telling stories about you.
She is getting to hear a lot of my favorites about sharing a room, reading books together and even that you let me watch Young and the Restless and Bold and the Beautiful with you. She doesn't get what those shows are but enjoys that it's something that you would let me do. I smile a little bigger when Layla wants to watch Family Feud because you were the one that got me into all the game shows. Price is Right, Pyramid, Crossword, etc.
After you physically left us I was so lucky to get support from friends from all over. One new friend send me a very sweet note (and three hearts for Layla, Mama and Me). In the note, she recalled how one of the first real conversations she and I had was about you. It was such a sweet recollection and a wonderful reminder of how much you influenced us every day. There are so many stories (big and small) about how you made our everyday better. I still can't eat keema without thinking about you and the way you would finely chop the onions and tomatoes so I couldn't see them. Or how you were always the first person I called when something big was happening or when I needed a prayer for me or for someone else I cared for.
You'd remind me that you were always praying but that you would say something a little extra. Or ask me what time the presentation was and assure you that you would pray during the entirety of it. You were this quiet force that was always around and we always knew we could count on you. All of us.
You know, we all told stories when you brought us together last month. Even though I know I'm your favorite, it was amazing to see how much we all believe that. You made each of us feel special and loved. We each had stories we could share with each other and laugh and reminisce about. We each remembered the power of prayer every day and prayed for you (and continue to do so) as you did for us every day of our lives.
We each wrote about you in ways that made us feel closer to you. That love of writing and reading that you and Nana carried is living through us now in our own unique ways. You nourished daughters who now take care of us and our kids in ways that I know we won't ever be able to pay back. They live through their sorrow of going through days without you, but show up for us and our kids more loving than even before. We all use words like rebel, strong, prayer, etc. when we think and write about you. I think we all hope that these are the words people will say about us.
Thank you for being my Nani. I can't imagine more days without you but know you are still praying for us and with us more now than ever. Layla says it best, "I miss GG. Nothing is the same without her."
Love you forever and always Nani.
