To boob or not to boob

That moment when you are juggling a full time job and trying to extract as much food for your little nugget as possible. That moment when you begin to realize that you are just a few freezer bags away from living pay check to pay check with your supply. That moment. That’s the moment I hate. That’s the moment I’m living in right now.

I think being able to nurse is SUCH a blessing. Think about the quiet time you get to spend with your little one, think about the snuggles, think about his/her sweet face when he/she is stuffed to capacity, happy and sleepy, think about all the nutrition you are sharing with your wee one, think about all the money you are saving and can reapply for shoes…I mean college, college! Think about the amazing thing your body is doing for you and the health of this precious little life that the man (or Woman) upstairs chose you to take care of. Think about the fact that it’s totally acceptable for you to not wear a “real” bra and just feed your kid at the drop of a hat. Actually, it’s more like a drop of your shirt or bra flap thing…you get my point. Thinking about all those things (and many more) brings tears to my eyes when I fear my time is up.

What happens next? I get google happy, that’s what! “How to increase your supply”, “Why is my supply dwindling”, “Is my baby getting enough”, “Why isn’t my body producing”, “What am I doing wrong”, “Am I terrible?”, “Siri, hello?” “Oh wait, you aren’t siri”, “Wait what? Am I still googling…” I’m losing it. I’m losing it right? So.much.pressure. Why is there so much pressure? Do we put it on ourselves? Do we allow society to dictate how we feel and define what we should be doing, how often and when? I don’t know the answers but I know these feelings and questions keep me up at night and stress me the you know what out! And then I think…maybe THAT’S what’s happening to my supply! I’m like a little helpless hamster on this stupid squeaky wheel. All I want to do is make sure my little Roo is getting what he needs when he needs it and I feel guilty. I feel guilty because as much I love those moments and I love the benefits I also start to think…

Hmmm. I can drink coffee, like real coffee, with caffeine in it and stuff. Forget the coffee, I can sleep. Like all through the night if I wanted to. AND I can lie on my stomach while sleeping (all through the night) because my girls (that’s tata’s) won’t hurt. I can go out for a run without thinking about when to extract. I can weigh myself whenever I want (don’t act like you don’t wait to weigh yourself until after you have emptied the girls, your bladder…and let’s be honest – after a big ol’ poop). I can go to an event without having to figure out where to pump, when to pump, where to put it when it’s out and then worry the entire time if it’s cold enough to not make the nugget sick. I think all these thinks and for a moment, usually a short moment I get a little excited. I’m sure you can guess what comes next…I instantly feel guilty again.

Am I alone? Does anyone else ask themselves, “To boob or not to boob?”

Until next time…

Can I Touch Yours?

I think I've officially reached the time in my life where my weekend and vacation plans no longer revolve around bridal showers, bachelorette parties and weddings. Now, I celebrate mommas to be and BABIES. If you know me, you know I love babies. If you don't know me and are reading this, you now know that I LUB me some babies!

Now, babies are funny little nuggets because before they even get here life changes for the mommas. It's one of the most exciting and scary things in your life and yet most keep it a secret for WEEKS which often feels like a lifetime in itself. When I found out I was pregnant with our daughter I was new to my job. So, on top of not feeling so great most days I had to figure out how to put on a happy face and pretend like all was normal. Important point to note, I loved being pregnant. LOVED it!

Having said that, another part of this change was hearing how others reacted to your pregnancy and your changing body. Of recent, I have a number of friends who are pregnant and due to some comments they have shared or I have heard/ remember hearing I thought it would be fun to share a list of things to NOT say to pregnant women. This list is in no particular order of rank and is a rare even number list because...well because I love even numbers and this is my blog so I can do what I want :) Hope you enjoy!

1. "You look tired." Why, thank you. Thank you for calling that to my attention, especially, since I felt great today. I'm glad to know that you think I look tired. That's helpful. The more I think about this one, you really shouldn't say this to anybody...pregnant or not. I mean how does one make themselves not look tired? Be a part of the solution people. Just sayin.

2. "Wow! Look how pregnant you look." or "You are really showing." or my personal favorite "You look like you could explode at any second." I'm not even sure how to react to these. Or do you just not react? When I overhear anyone of these it takes everything out of me to not say, "Wow! Look how dumb and insensitive YOU look for saying that." Would that be ok? Maybe that's what we should start doing.

3. "What are you going to wear." Please, please don't ask a pregnant person this. Even as much as someone may love being pregnant, getting dressed at times is one of the hardest things to do. Things you love just don't fit the same, or fit at all. It's often hard to justify buying things that you can only wear for a limited time (aka things you wouldn't be caught dead in post baby) and your body has the potential to change every single day which makes it hard to put outfits together. My favorite answer to this question? Whatever fits. Side note to maternity clothing makers...why do you insist on making maternity clothes with horizontal stripes? Why?

Last, but certainly not least...

4. "Can I touch your belly?" To this, all I can say is - can I touch yours?

Until next time...

This is my life, and I love it.

Me: Do you want tacos or mac and cheese with chicken for dinner?
My 3 Year Old: Pizza

This pretty much sums up my life as a momma to a strong, confident and outspoken 3 year old. I remember the day we found out that she was a girl. I prayed in that instance that she would be born with a little bit of sass. Just sass folks. Not to be confused with attitude or rudeness. Why sass? The world we live in is a bit scary. I wanted her to have just enough sass to stand up for herself and not taken any do-do (we don't swear) from anyone. I wanted her to be confident in who she was and what she wanted. As always (and thankfully), my prayers were answered.

Sass she has!

Last night, when I posed the dinner question, she answered with such affirmation that for a second - just a second - I was like ok, you can have pizza. Then I remembered two things:
1. That wasn't an option
2. We didn't have any

That's exactly the kind of sass I had asked for. She wasn't rude. She didn't have an attitude. She just communicated what she wanted. Once I explained that wasn't an option and she needed to try again...she said pizza one more time. Just to try. Then decided on mac and cheese with chicken. She shows us signs of this sass regularly. Sometimes she catches us off guard. Let's be real, most times she catches us off guard and that sweet little voice doesn't help. My husband and I often look at each other with the, "did she just say that?" look.

She keeps us on our toes and challenges us daily, and I love it!

Peace, love and soul train...